Weightless shit

I undressed down to my undies this morning and stood on the scales.
In one week’s time I’ve gained 3 of the 10 kilos I lost in 4 months of India.
At this rate, in a month I’ll be fatter than I ever was, and that is not a good thing.

But, it is not this matter which truly worries me.

After I weighed myself, I went to the toilet and layed down a log.
Now, I’m talking substantial shit here. It wasn’t runny Indian poo, no, this was half a bowl full of prime quality ex-steak. By the time I’d wiped my arse, it took two flushes to get rid of it all. I seriously think that there’s a chance of the Rotterdam Delta works getting clogged up.

But then I went and weighed myself again.
Just to see exactly how much this poo of mine actually weighed.
I was exactly the same weight as before!

How baffling is this?
This means that this log I layed weighed absolutely nothing!
It’s not possible.
I swear to God, if I’d taken a photo of it, I’d have had to stand outside the bog to get it all in the picture. And it didn’t weigh a gram.

There’s always the possibility that my Mum’s scales are a bit wonky, but what are the chances of the wonkiness (yes, that is actually a word) being ascew within 10 minutes (or roughly ten minutes, as I said, it was quite a big one and there was quite some wiping as well)?

This interested me so much, I did some research for you:

¾ of poo is made up of water.
The brown colour is biliruben, which is created by the breaking down of red blood cells.
You can get ill from eating poop (so be careful you scat-munchers out there).
Most people wipe their bums sitting down.
Sometimes a shit will float. This is due to gas in the poop.
Roughly 1/3 of what you eat comes out as poop. My steak yesterday was at least 400 grams, the potatoes…God knows, then the lunch, the breakfast and the crisps.

There is no way that my shit could have weighed nothing!

Strange things are afloat…and they’re smelly!