Espresso and slootwater
The Netherlands is full of little canals and rivers. The smallest of these are called sloots. The double O is pronounced as the OA in boat.
The Dutch word for water is water, but instead of being pronounced as woter (or woti if you're from the South of England), the A is pronounced as the A in tap.
So, basically the title of this article should be pronounced as: Espresso and sloat w(t)a(p)ter.
The Dutch also like to join words up together. They're cosy in that way, that's why the two obviously separate words are joined together in the title.
Sloots (or sloats, if you so prefer) are always slow moving, quite often full of alga and regularly so filthy that should you fall in you'll catch a rash which can only be described as an outbreak of urticarian proportions probably leading to anaphylactic shock.
Some of the murkiest of Dutch sloots can't even be seen properly with digital photo enhancing...
The sloots or also one of the reason so many young refugees drown in the Netherlands.
They can't swim.
Now, I generally don't generalise, but for once indulge me...there are a hell of a lot of Zimbabweans and Sudanese who can't swim. There may be reasons for this, don't ask me, I'm not a geographical expert, but it's the god-damned truth of the matter.
The Dutch government probably could teach these young refugees to swim, but every drowned child is one less they have to deport at a later stage. Call it water-management, if you will.
That's the lesson in Dutch for today. Now I understand you want to know what the connection is between this most romantic of coffees and disturbingly awful puddle filth.
Well, I was sat with a friend and her child at a yacht harbour in the centre of the Netherlands (a province called Brabant...should anyone really care, which, no doubted they do) and I ordered an espresso.
The first thing wrong with this said beverage was that it was served in a coffee mug.
Now, this might seem like a small thing to most people, but... well, call me pretentious if you must, but I have a well developed sense for detail and serving espresso in a coffee mug is like eating a steak which is well done. It's not done! It's just not, and my displeasure at the size of the mug was instantly recognisable on my fair features.
The second thing wrong with my espresso was that it wasn't espresso. I swear to Bacchus (one of my favourite deities of the moment...and since there doesn't seem to be a God of coffees, this one will have to do in his' or her's place) that they'd dipped the mug in the sloot and heated it.
And there you go. It took me 446 words (2004 letters) to say I didn't like the espresso they served me. Join me next time when I discuss European immigration laws, their histories and the several possibilities that the future might hold in store.
The Dutch word for water is water, but instead of being pronounced as woter (or woti if you're from the South of England), the A is pronounced as the A in tap.
So, basically the title of this article should be pronounced as: Espresso and sloat w(t)a(p)ter.
The Dutch also like to join words up together. They're cosy in that way, that's why the two obviously separate words are joined together in the title.
Sloots (or sloats, if you so prefer) are always slow moving, quite often full of alga and regularly so filthy that should you fall in you'll catch a rash which can only be described as an outbreak of urticarian proportions probably leading to anaphylactic shock.
Some of the murkiest of Dutch sloots can't even be seen properly with digital photo enhancing...
The sloots or also one of the reason so many young refugees drown in the Netherlands.
They can't swim.
Now, I generally don't generalise, but for once indulge me...there are a hell of a lot of Zimbabweans and Sudanese who can't swim. There may be reasons for this, don't ask me, I'm not a geographical expert, but it's the god-damned truth of the matter.
The Dutch government probably could teach these young refugees to swim, but every drowned child is one less they have to deport at a later stage. Call it water-management, if you will.
That's the lesson in Dutch for today. Now I understand you want to know what the connection is between this most romantic of coffees and disturbingly awful puddle filth.
Well, I was sat with a friend and her child at a yacht harbour in the centre of the Netherlands (a province called Brabant...should anyone really care, which, no doubted they do) and I ordered an espresso.
The first thing wrong with this said beverage was that it was served in a coffee mug.
Now, this might seem like a small thing to most people, but... well, call me pretentious if you must, but I have a well developed sense for detail and serving espresso in a coffee mug is like eating a steak which is well done. It's not done! It's just not, and my displeasure at the size of the mug was instantly recognisable on my fair features.
The second thing wrong with my espresso was that it wasn't espresso. I swear to Bacchus (one of my favourite deities of the moment...and since there doesn't seem to be a God of coffees, this one will have to do in his' or her's place) that they'd dipped the mug in the sloot and heated it.
And there you go. It took me 446 words (2004 letters) to say I didn't like the espresso they served me. Join me next time when I discuss European immigration laws, their histories and the several possibilities that the future might hold in store.
posted by Mark at 6:32 PM
8 Comments:
he mark,
ik hoor dat je even in nederland bent??
Yes.
But in 7 days time I leave for England.
and trust me, you wouldn't believe it, but right now, the weather is better here than it is in Holland,
As you may know I'm "doing" Ireland at the moment. I tell you ..the coffee is worse here than the Slootwater in Holland. We went to an Italian restaurant last night , the Pizza was worse than a supermarktet Pizza and the coffee would be enough to get banned from Italy the rest of your life. The weather however is so non - Irish , I'm getting a tan !!!
Hi! Just want to say what a nice site. Bye, see you soon.
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That's a great story. Waiting for more. »
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